Remember, Remember, The 5th…
May 5th 2013 is the day I remember when I fully dedicated my life to a camera. Prior to that it was just random YouTube cover videos, God awful music videos and weddings. It was on May 5th when I remember I needed to shift my focus from making music to making pictures.
Imagine a life where you do something professionally for almost 10 years, and everyday when you wake up you still feel like you’re barely scratching the surface.
This is life for me everyday unconvincing that devilish voice in my head that is always telling me that my shit isn’t good enough and that it never will be. My exhaustion comes from dealing with the drama that exists only in my head. Shout out to everyone that can relate.
I was with a friend the other day and he spoke to me about what Ira Glass refers to as “the gap”. The gap is that space between your skill level and your taste level. I believe a masters mission is one that spends all their time and energy closing it, where skill and taste are in unison and whether it’s for that one moment or for the rest of their life, the artist is performing at God level and harmony exists within their unique human existence. I believe this gap will never be closed in my lifetime, and for me to live out the rest of my days being a decent human being, my focus needs to shift toward acceptance of that fact… Cause the opposite side of that is more depression anxiety low self worth stuff we take pills for.
My respect is almost exclusively given to those that I see that never stop trying. The creative ones that fight thru their own drama and learn about the beauty that exists in the marathon of life. I understand what fighting thru that pain feels like… I understand it and continue to fight it everyday. You are not alone and I’m with you. Lets keep trying together.
This is my PSA to any twenty-something kid that feels like they can talk to me any which way they want:
Whatchu know about working your ass off 2 jobs, getting off at 6am, getting 2 something hours of sleep, waking up to go to your agency job and perform at a high level for consecutive months?
Whatchu know about teaching yourself something strictly off the internet so you can compete against people that went to school for that shit? Tryna blend in and fight that imposter syndrome cause in your life its all money in and there is no turning back?
Whatchu know about investing in yourself and believing in yourself so much to the point where you can literally sell all the gear you own and buy yourself any Benz you want off the lot?
Whatchu know about working hard for your culture, fighting for these jobs and cutting your little homies a check for over $10K cause you love them and want to see them eat?
Whatchu know about honing your craft, starting as 3rd assistant for one of the most prolific photographers in your community, to then being his first call whenever he needs a DP? Whatchu know about work ethic at that level?
Whatchu know about not turning to drugs/alcohol when that depression and anxiety hits at a high level? Whatchu know about falling to your knees begging God for strength?
Whatchu know about actually not quitting something when it stopped being fun for you?
Whatchu know about consistently being thrown out your comfort zone, professionally, emotionally? Pulling up to every job and literally being the only person on set that looks like you. Whatchu know about life outside of Pleasant Hill and those fucken lame ass things yawl do? Whatchu know about being 1 of a handful of Asian creatives trying to crush it in your industry?
Whatchu know about the heartbreak of being told no?
Whatchu know about being bitched out by bosses, producers, any person in power and still having to be humble and show up to work the next day? Whatchu know about taking hits to your pride and shaking that shit off to keep fighting?
If you don’t know about any of these things, honestly sit down and shut the fuck up. I’m out here making these mistakes you can learn from. Be humble and pay attention, cause yes. This snot-nose Korean kid that came out by way of Atlanta one day is gonna shake the world. Don’t be caught on my shit list with your pants down when that happens. #hirethekoreankid
